9 minutes of unbelievable violence changed everything. You – the kindest, gentlest person imaginable – were robbed of peace forever.

Four years later and there is still evidence of how you were beaten. But deeper than this is what you experienced.

You have faced the horrors of PTSD and depression and faced an ongoing daily battle after a series of breakdowns. The medications that have helped you survive, drown you in fog and have debilitating side effects. Your physical crises and injuries which have forced multiple restarts.

You have faced increased isolation as people moved on – especially after that first year when even I had to return to Joburg to try and rebuild my business for myself and my team. And as you pulled back from technology or were unable to manage it with your physical limitations. As people wrote off your condition to dementia.

Medical professionals failed you with misdiagnoses.

Medicines that should have worked didn’t or stopped working.

In all of this, your kindness, gentleness and character shone through. Your unending love for me, your smiles when you see me. Your concern and support.

Nurses fight to be allocated to care for you – you are unfailingly polite and kind and never fail to preface any request with a “please” and then ensure you thank people.

You have really tough days. And then days like yesterday when you found inspiration in the book “Mao’s Last Dancer” which you devoured in no time and told me about with such admiration.

I wish I could have done more and been more effective. I see mistakes I made or things I didn’t do and know there are things I do not know about – what I should have done or not done.

I try to learn from you and everything I confront.

Through all of the last four years I learnt about the life challenges that almost every person faces – be those aging parents, illness, mental health, relationship difficulties, divorce, cancer – and how to empathise more.

I learnt about angels – as you were to so many family members and me, as the few doctors who cared were, as my team members and assistant were. Clients and team members who believed. Friends. And even just the kind and thoughtful comments from a few wise people.

I have learnt about loss – especially of those who are close – and lack of control and influence. Again and again.

As I see you every four months, there are fewer and fewer times with you in my future.

So much of what is good in me is because of you.